Stress overload.

BIG. STUFF. HAS. HAPPENED. Well, relatively big.

Hi guys! How do normal people start of their blog posts? I usually opt for ‘Happy *insert month* since I don’t post that often, but HELLO!! A few life changing things have happened since I last posted. For one, I left school! I am finally free from the chains of compulsory education. I’m also half way through my A-Level Exams, with only 3 left and in 12 days time I WILL BE FREE – although I’ll be in a state of crippling anxiety until results day, fun (!).

I’ve been thinking a lot about the education system recently, with new A-level and GCSE reforms, tuition fees through the roof and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s all a bit shit really. Luckily enough in the UK we have free state school education, and it’s something I’m very grateful of. Although, I can’t help feel disappointed with the whole exam season malarkey, disappointed with how I’ve performed in them and just generally disappointed with the general feeling of exams. No one enjoys exams, but I find them to be REALLY anti climatic and a shit way to test someones ability. All those stressful and sleepless nights of finishing homework, notes and essays. The tears, the eye bags, the missed deadlines, the chewed down fingernails, scrunched up paper and inky hands – all come down to one exam. I don’t think it shows someones ability to learn, it doesn’t represent the amount of effort put in over the years, it doesn’t show your dedication to studying. It shows who can cram the best, who can articulate their bullshit in a way to fit a mark scheme; I don’t think intelligence can be fitted into a tight mark scheme of wrong and right. For one subject, you study a range of different topics and at the end of it all, you get a few questions on a few of those topics, how is that fair? It’s not. You can study 6 chapters in one subject, and the final exam, which determines your whole future could literally be on one of those chapters, just one, it’s ridiculous.

I don’t feel too great today, I feel a bit flat and unmotivated with life. The stress has finally hit me, hard. Last week exam wise was terrible for me, and now I don’t have a lot to redeem myself on. Sleepless nights, a constant migraine and procrastination through the roof, I just want exams to be done. I can’t do anything without feeling guilty and that I should be revising 24/7, clearly that doesn’t stop me though. I am really excited for the summer though, I can’t wait to sit in the sun and read and go out and go to all these cool things, also I’m super excited to go on holiday with Abigail!! Can you believe it’s pride month and I haven’t engaged in anything gay and pride related, shocker, thanks exam (!). I’m SUPER EXCITED FOR PRIDE though and I hope it’s as fun as I’m expecting it to be this year. Amongst the stress I have had some fun, I’ve been to see Bastille, went to watch some spoken word poetry, had a little trip to Tate Modern, went to a really cool screening of Black Swan, had a really cute bowling date and even had a cheeky little trip to Ikea too, thrilling I know. Sometimes though, it really is the little things that make everything else seem bearable. I also got to vote for the first time in the election that turned into a shit storm, but that’s a whole different topic to be explored. Fuck conservatives 

In other news, the music industry is honestly giving me life right now. New Halsey, Lorde, Dua Lipa, and Harry Styles  all in the space of a couple of weeks?? Honestly, I’m in love. They make frantically forming essay plans bearable. I’ve also thrown so much shit out of my room away! I’ve piled all of my A-level notes and papers into a washing basket, and let’s be real I’ll probably keep it there till results day since my brain can’t cope with change or me throwing things away, but I have been really good with it recently!! I’ve moved a few things around in my room, nothing major but even moving a book out of its usual place freaks me out. I’ve been doing big chunks of change and then leaving it to settle and I suppose if everything around me is changing, I might as well move with it, right? I plan on completely sorting out my room once my exams are done and ruthlessly throw stuff away that I never look at or use, just so my room looks more spacey and free, which will weirdly give me more head space; something which I am seriously lacking right now. On that note, I shall go back to revising now, since I have about 12 other essay plans to form before Tuesday and learn, bloody great hahaha. Hope everyone else sitting exams is doing okay!!! I shall be back with proper blog posts in July!!

P.s someone give me destressing tips, much appreciated.

 

T-minus 20 days till my first exam.

HAPPY MAY! I would like to start this post of with something like ‘the sun is shining and life is stress free’ but unfortunately, this is not the case. The sun is well, non-existent and I still find myself wearing jumpers it’s that cold.  For me personally, well actually any student, the worst time of the year has finally come around and I’m dreading it. My exams start in 20 days and my last one isn’t until the 29th of June, K I L L M E N O W.  My school fantastically decided to make us do some mock exams last week, which has led my revision to go awol and me completely freaking out. Although my results has somewhat put me at ease and reassured me that whatever i’m doing to revise is actually working. I also found out last week that I got an A in my English Literature coursework so yay, go me!!

My revision however for my exams coming at the end of May/June is not looking promising, I’m hoping that somehow all this crap content goes into my head and stays there for literally 2 hours while I take the exam and then I can finally breathe again. My first A2 exam is sociology, a subject in which is not looking hopeful for me right now. It kinda sucks how these stupid A-level reforms means none of my AS grades count, even though I only did sit one but it would’ve seriously benefited my sociology grade right now, thanks Michael Gove you dick.

I only have 3 weeks left of school, 15 days to be exact and it’s terrifying. No idea where the last 7 years of my life has gone and nor do I remember half the things I’ve learnt. I am rather excited to be leaving, the concept of going somewhere new and studying one thing that I enjoy in detail is scary but also FUN. It’s weird that I won’t see my friends on a day-to-day basis anymore. I’m staying in London for Uni but some of them are moving out and going miles away. It’ll be weird how everyone will just disperse from school and do their own thing after being trapped in a system for so long, it’s so bizarre to me. I 100% think I’m finding myself more now that I know I’m leaving school, as cliché has that sounds. I’m putting myself out there more, going for job interviews, actually working, signing up for various things to do in the summer, and just generally putting more care into everything I do as I know that it’ll have an impact on my life. I can’t wait till exams are finally over so I can clear all the school related junk from my room and finally have some space, and also clear my camera roll that’s full of picture of slide shows, text books and various school related images. I can’t wait to have a cleanse and start fresh, I  AM EXCITED. Lets see if I make it past my A-levels yet, thinking about results day makes me feel SICK.